


The Agony of one's Soul

by CrazyNekoChan



Series: Soudam Week Summer 2019 [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-05-20 19:37:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19383370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyNekoChan/pseuds/CrazyNekoChan
Summary: For the longest of time Gundham suffered from the agony his soulmate was experiencing in his life.For as long as Kazuichi could remember he made his unfortunate soulmate suffer by sharing his pains.Day 1 of theSoudam WeekPrompt:Soulmates|Non-Despair/School Life| Crossdress





	The Agony of one's Soul

**Author's Note:**

> And so it begins once again x)

For most of Gundham’s mortal life he had been experiencing nearly unbearable pains. Yet these were not his own pains. This blinding agony was from his soulmate.

His soulmate was constantly experiencing extreme pains and the way they were placed and came in quick successions, before suddenly stopping for about a day or two before repeating itself in an endless cycle suggested that the pains came from constant beatings – quite brutal ones at that from time to time, that made Gundham fall to his knees and cry out in misery without any way to escape the excruciating agony.

 

The torment began when Gundham had still been in elementary school. He had been out buying groceries with the Angel when a sudden sharp pain in his cheek made him flinch and tear up. It had felt like some invisible entity had slapped him. Yet this was not the end, as an even worse and nearly nauseating pain went through his gut, making his legs give in under his weight and making him throw up. The Angel had went into panic at seeing her son covering on the floor in pain and not being able to help him. This was when Gundham had first truly understood the curse which the connection with one's soulmate could be, yet he never blamed his soulmate for the pain.

From then on out the pain became more frequent, happening often at school during the break times and making Gundham’s school days nearly unbearable. However the pains were the true hell during the evenings, making him scream and cry and sometimes even loose his consciousness.

Pain, pain, pain and even more pain; day after day, this agonising pain.

But he still never blamed his soulmate for it. All throughout the years where Gundham had to suffer through the invisible beatings that he shared with his destined one, he never once gave them the fault. It was all their abusers' fault. These despicable fiends that dared to lay hand at the dark lord’s destined one. When the day comes that Gundham found his soulmate, he would track down all these demons and make them pay for their crimes. Not because they made Gundham live through this agony but for hurting his soulmate, as this was the most despicable sin that any being could ever commit.

 

Years went on and while the pain and agony never ended, Gundham learned to hide his every reaction. He had been able to figure out a pattern where their shared pain was the most likely to strike. During recess at school and in the late evening and weekends. While Gundham had been at his realm of learning he typically avoided the interactions with other mortals and when the pains came he covered his reactions by biting his lips and ignoring the agony. These pains were tolerable at this point now – a cruel truth to realise that he and probably his destined one as well had gotten so used to them by now. Yet in the evenings Gundham's willpower to not react to the constantly recurring invisible beatings was sometimes not enough, as hard as it was to admit to himself. While he was thankful to a twisted degree that the pains did not come every evening and night, they were the most severe ones and sometimes still made him flinch or call out even if he had tried his best to hide it all from the worried Angel.

Gundham had to find his destined one as soon as he could. Yet he did not know where he would even begin.

 

Aside from the agony that Gundham suspected came from constant abuse, he ever so often experienced pains in his hands as if something had hit, zapped or burned them. Yet they usually only lasted for a few moments before passing again, making Gundham suspect that they were caused by accidents by whatever his destined one was regularly doing. As these short pains were only within the area of his hands, Gundham suspected that his destined one did follow some form of past time involving them working with their hands with something that can cause harm if not handled correctly.

Gundham himself had to also admit to his shame that he sometimes also was the cause of pain for his destined one through their shared link, as he himself followed a regular pastime that ever so often harmed him. He was gifted with the power to tame even the most hellish of beasts and make them produce the most powerful of offspring, giving him fame and many loyal followers. However these powers came with the price of his cursed left arm often suffering wounds during the taming of the demonic beings, which left him with many scars covering his pale skin. He himself could take the pain to his arm, yet it always had a twisted aftertaste that his destined one had to also experience the poisonous pain while also having to suffer through their own cruel fate.

 

When Gundham had not been working with his hellish beasts, visited his realm of learning or had spend his time with his mother, the Angel, he had tried to find his destined one within this vast see of mortals. Yet he never found them, as finding them was a difficult task. Many mortals never found their destined ones, as the only indication that they had to whom it might be was their shared pain. Pain was the one key to finding his destined one to rescue them from the constant agonising pains, which was the most cruellest of jokes fate had to offer. Yet Gundham would not give up, even if days, weeks, months and even years passed filled with more pain that they shared between them.

Most days were always filled with them.

Until they one day suddenly stopped altogether.

 

***

 

Ever since Gundham had moved to the ream of learning carrying the honoured name Hope's Peak Academy, a realm where only the most powerful and skilled mortals were invited to learn at, the constant agony transported to him from his destined one had stopped. When he had first noticed the missing pains, Gundham had been filled with dread if something dire might have happened to his destined one. Days and weeks had passed without Gundham noticing any invisible wounds to his mortal form.

 

Sitting within his private realm during a rainy afternoon, Gundham had been lost within his own mind. His trusted Four Devas of Destruction had been moving along his mortal form as he absent-mindedly played with them as the bad weather that had been dominating the skies over the last few days had made it impossible for all of his hellish beasts to move outside of the restricting building and led to them starting to get distressed more and more. Gundham himself was also experiencing distress about his current situation. His mind and soul was filled with worry about the well-being of his destined one.

Petting one of his Devas, Gundham wondered to himself were his soulmate might be and if they were alright, until he was suddenly pulled out of the world of his own mind by a sudden pain in his finger, making him flinch due to being unprepared.

“Mirage Golden Hawk Jum-P, have you bitten me?” Gundham looked at his hellish warrior with surprise, “You have not used your powerful jaw against me ever since you had been a youngest being.” Due to wanting to avoid infection within his cursed mortal form, Gundham raised his hand to inspect and treat the wound.

Only that they had been nothing, no bite and no blood, despite him still feeling a dull pain in his finger. Gundham could not understand as for why his finger was suddenly experiencing this phantom pain as if he had been hit by an invisible force. At least until this moment, where realisation hit him. This pain came from his destined one, meaning that they were alright!

While Gundham's hand was mildly hurting now, he felt almost happy that his destined one was still within this mortal realm and seemed to have escaped the hell in which they had been trapped within all these years.

 

Feeling a new burst of energy from within after this realisation, Gundham decided to leave his private quarters for a while and maybe see what his allies were doing during this dreadful weather.

 

***

 

“Fuck, that hurts!” Kazuichi gave a scream and took his finger between his lips after he accidentally hit it with his wrench during his work. “From all himes you ha' o 'ome in, it ha' o be now?” he asked his two best friends, Hajime and Fuyuhiko, while still having his aching finger in his mouth. He had been trying to loose a rusted screw from an old engine he wanted to repair and upgrade, and when his friends walked him to pick him up, they had managed to startle the distracted mechanic so much that his wrench slipped off the screw and instead hit his finger full on.

“It's your fucking fault for being too late.” Fuyuhiko replied, while not showing and kind of sympathy for his friend who was now hurt, “Now come, before Hajime and I leave without you and leave you standing here.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Kazuichi replied after he took his finger out of his mouth again and put his tools to the side. As soon as he was finished, he then joined his friends and left the laboratory to go to Hajime's dorm room and watch a movie together that the student had bought earlier that week.

 

Slowly the dull pain was vanishing again, however Kazuichi felt ever so slightly bad despite of it, because he knew that his soulmate would also have felt that. When Kazuichi had first learned about the shared pain between soulmates he always tried to avoid getting hurt as much as he could, to avoid hurting his soulmate due to him being clumsy. However no matter how hard he had tried he was hurt again and again, and felt so much pain over his life, all of which his soulmate had to suffer through too. He always was careful, however no matter how careful he was he couldn't avoid that for some reason everyone had decided that he was their personal punching bag. In his former schools he was heavily bullied and often hurt by his school mates, from being hit by them or pushed around, all which his soulmate had to also feel. However what had been worse was his father, who liked to drink alcohol like it was water and had this slight tendency to beat his son up until he couldn't move any more, which his soulmate had been again forced to feel.

While the pain and constant abuse was already mentally straining enough on its own, the knowledge that someone completely innocent, someone Kazuichi was destined to fall in love with, had to feel every hit, every punch and every kick Kazuichi himself had to suffer through, all because he was too weak to fight back, was simply crushing.

Kazuichi had often cried in the past. Not because of the pain he was feeling, but that he was hurting someone at the same time and he didn't even know who this unfortunate person was. Whoever they were, Kazuichi pitied them for being almost cursed with being his soulmate and he often feared the day where he might meet them.

What would they say to him? To the person who had brought them nothing but agony almost daily for the last ten years?

Kazuichi couldn't believe that, whoever they were, that they would like him at all after everything and refuse to have anything to do with him. He at least wouldn't hold it against them if they did. If he was honest with himself, he kinda dreaded the day he met them. How would he explain himself? How would he explain all the pain he never stopped from happening to them? How would he explain that he never wanted them to be hurt because of him?

How would he apologize to them for everything that happened because of him?

 

Walking into the dorm area with his friends, Kazuichi saw a set of familiar faces standing in the hall; Nagito, Sonia and Gundham who were all talking with each other. If Kazuichi was honest with himself, he was quite happy to see his friends – especially Gundham; not that he would ever admit to it out loud. When Nagito spotted them he quickly went up to the approaching group to greet them.

“Hallo.” he gave his usual carefree smile at them.

“Sorry for making you wait.” Hajime replied and gave his boyfriend a short kiss in greeting.

“Yeah, the idiot here didn't get his useless arse moving.” Fuyuhiko added to this, making Kazuichi himself complain back, “Hey, I was in the middle of work! And it's not like you never made us wait!”

“It's really no problem.” Nagito tried to reassure the bantering duo and a slightly fed up Hajime, “I was talking to Sonia and Gundham in the meantime anyway, and I invited them to watch the movie with us. I hope you don't mind.”

“I don't mind.” Hajime shrugged, “We might however need to get some more chairs out of your rooms or some might need to sit on the floor.”

“Gundham and me can sit on the floor if you want.” Sonia suggested to the other, “We haven't been originally invited and slightly dumbed ourselves onto you.”

At this Gundham nodded in agreement. “The Princess of Darkness is correct. I do not mind resting on the floor during the screening.”

At the suggestion from Sonia all the other students in the group also nodded, as it was reasonable for them all.

All except of Fuyuhiko. “Forget it. There is no way I will let a woman sit on the floor while I get so sit on something comfortable.” Now that Kazuichi thought about it, it made sense that someone with Fuyuhiko's upbringing would oppose to it and it wasn't like Kazuichi himself was that up to letting the princess sit on the floor, but he also didn't want to oppose her. However when Fuyuhiko continued talking he was close to starting an argument with him. “Let her take Kazuichi's seat. He was late anyway.”

“Hey, why do I have to sit on the floor?!” Kazuichi asked the other with mild annoyance, “You were the one to go all big talk here about not letting a girl sit on the floor while you sit on a chair, and now you won't even sit on the floor in Miss Sonia's place?”

The yakuza on the other hand however didn't flinch at his friend's outburst, “You have been too late and are you telling me that you are too much of a wimp to sit on the floor for a bit while you get to watch a movie for free?”

This statement made Kazuichi reel back and it hit his ego straight on. “As if! Like I care where I sit. I just wanted to point it out that ya aren't up to your word. Now lets go watch the movie.” he stated before taking Gundham by his arm and pulling him into Hajime's room, before taking a seat on the floor and still pulling his slightly stunned friend with him, while the others followed suit and each took a seat; Hajime and Nagito on the bed, Sonia and Fuyuhiko on the two chairs and Gundham and Kazuichi on the floor in front of the bed.

When everyone had gotten comfortable Hajime pressed play and the movie began.

 

The movie was great and Kazuichi had been glad that Hajime had decided to buy it. He had originally planned to watch the movie in the cinema when it first came out, however he didn't have the spare cash left over during that time and he had not been in the mood to ask his friends to lend it to him since he had no clue when he would have been able to pay them back. But now it didn't matter any more, since he was able to finally watch it after being very careful to avoid being spoiled by others. The only thing his friends had mentioned was that the movie was even better than the trailers had made them think it was going to be. The comedy was hilarious and the action was thrilling.

However Kazuichi had to roll his eyes at the romantic subplot of the protagonist. He usually didn't mind romantic subplots in movies, however this one was so cliche and he saw this trope so many times that it bored him to tears since it was so predictable. The soulmates who don't realise that they are in fact soulmates until after they are dating, because they try to pretend that they don't care about soulmates in general due to reasons like wanting to be independent, wanting to have multiple partners or something else generic, until they happen to find their soulmate. Every b-class romance story had this trope, no matter if it was an actual romance movie or book, or if it was a subplot and it never managed to surprise anyone.

However every time Kazuichi saw this trope in media he couldn't help but wondering how relieving it would be if soulmates weren't a thing. If soulmates weren't existing or had some other form of connection than sharing pain, it would take all of his worries and especially guilt from his mind after years of forcing his soulmate through extreme agony by having to feel Kazuichi's pain. It would of course mean for everyone that they would never know if the person they are together with was the right one for them, but at least no one had to suffer all the time because of something they had no influence over.

People could also actually date multiple people in their lives if they wanted to without others thinking less of them. Dating people who aren't one's soulmate is quite frowned upon in society, however if soulmates weren't a thing casual dating would be the norm for everyone. Not that Kazuichi himself was very interested in casually dating people with whom he knew that it wouldn't last. He wanted to actually grow old with someone who fit to him and have a family with them without any drama.

However while he liked the idea of some day finding his perfect partner – ignoring his fears that they understandably resent him – he can't help himself from still feeling attracted to certain people. He had to admit that he was actually crushing on the man sitting right next to him on the floor for the longest of time now and wouldn't mind dating him if it weren't for them both having a soulmate. Kazuichi wasn't interested in casually dating anyone else and he would bet his favourite spanner that Gundham was just as uninterested in it.

If Gundham were his soulmate or if there were no soulmates altogether, then this wouldn't be a problem. However both possibilities were just wishful thinking since soulmates were a thing that existed and he never noticed Gundham flinching when Kazuichi accidentally hurt himself-

Kazuichi flinched ever so slightly, after he suddenly felt what seemed to be a pinch in his left index finger. He hadn't been doing anything than looking at the television screen that was illuminating the darkened room, so he guessed that his soulmate got hurt again. This happened every odd week or so, and after all this time Kazuichi got mostly used to it. While the pain was sometimes quite bad, in the usual case the only thing that got him was the surprise from it all as most pains were more like sudden pinches to his skin than anything else.

 

***

 

Gundham had no idea what evil entity had possessed his Dark Deva of Destruction and made her push her fangs into his skin in a way that it did not break his skin, yet made him feel her dark powers. Looking at the dark minion sitting on his lap, accompanied by her kin, he wondered what had brought her action up. Did he move his mortal form in an incorrect way when he had been mentally distracted?

Now that he was actively looking at the four Devas they were jumping around moved their paws in a way that it seemed as if they were adamant at trying to inform him about something important. Yet due to the darkness dominating the room they were occupying he could not make out what they were trying to signal him. As it also was not possible for him to force his allies in halting the movie they all were currently watching together, he gave his Devas a hand signal that they would need to wait for a while longer. As they had the ability to retreat into their nest within his private realm without his assistance if they wished to rest, he had some of their food always on his person for the case that they wished for a meal and they all looked as healthy as can be, he deemed that his trusted minions were able to put off their information for a moment longer.

 

To his relieve his Devas then calmed themselves again and returned back inside of his clothing to rest themselves. Yet he could not help himself from wondering what his demonic Deva had been trying to accomplish by biting his mortal form. What mystified him the most however was that his Devas had been biting him often over the latest of times, which hardly happened before. The most times that they had decided to wound his mortal form for any reason had been from him interfering them from fighting or the seldom case where he handled them incorrectly, which even happened to such a powerful being like himself if he found himself too distracted from the mortal happenings within his life.

Yet he could not recall himself being more distracted over the latests of times than he would be within a usual day within this realm of learning, and there had not been many incidences where his demonic warriors had been having a battle of strength with each other where he had to intervene. Thinking about it, he could not see an exact pattern of what could bring up their odd behaviour. However he was sure that them behaving out of sorts usually had been whenever he had been spending his mortal time with his allies.

Where his Dark Devas of Destruction feeling unwell in the presence of them?

He would need to find out what was plaguing them as soon as the screening of the movie ends, to rest their troubled minds and free them from their worries – and also prevent himself from being bitten more than necessary, as even he had to admit that their powerful bites were painful and his destined one had to also experience them which made it worse.

 

The movie went on playing out before them and after some more time had passed the ending credits began playing to thank and honour all the hard-working mortals who had played part to create it all. The group of students all rose up from their respective seats while their generous host ended the movie he provided for them all to enjoy together.

Gundham also moved his mortal body from the floor and held his hand out for the Sharp Toothed One to take and pull him up onto his feet after joining him on the floor for hours. The Sharp Toothed One was his closest ally and as such it came almost natural to Gundham to assist him even with such small things like moving his mortal form into a standing position. They were in fact such close allies that Gundham could not think the mortal out of his life. He was an essential part of it and had become important to Gundham, which surprised himself as he priorly never made much out of mingling with other mortal beings. Yet it was something different with Kazuichi, as despite their more troubled beginnings he had been the first mortal Gundham has actively tried to be close to and this was still the case. Gundham of course enjoyed the presence of his other allies, however he had to shamefully admit that he would still chose the Pink Haired One over them if he were to choose.

 

Though despite Gundham wanting to spend more time with Kazuichi, he temporarily had other matters to attend to. He still had to find out what his trusted Devas had been trying to signal to him and if their distress had been the caused due to them feeling unwell in the presence of the other mortals like he was beginning to fear, than he had to move back to his private realm with them. To his luck all the other mortals had decided to also return to their respective realms and as such thanked their host for his kindness before leaving one by one, as did Gundham.

While walking back to his private realm Gundham held out his cursed hand on which the four Devas climbed onto. All of them seemed just as calm and collected as usually and their temporary forms were perfectly intact, which was reassuring. He may have not seen anything when he had last checked on their health, however the room had been embedded with darkness and had only little light illuminating it, so he wanted to make sure that he did not make a mistake.

He was just about to reach the entrance of his realm, when a familiar voice rang out to him. “I will never understand how ya do that, Hamster-chan.” When turning around, Gundham was greeted with Kazuichi who was looking at the four Devas, “Whenever I even get just remotely close to an animal they always try to eat me and you are walking around with four hamsters chilling on your hand like it's nothing. Like how do ya do that?”

Gundham was not sure if this was genuine interest the other mortal was showing in the breeder's craft or if he was simply trying to form a casual conversation in form of small talk – or if it might be both combined. Deciding to give the mortal the benefit of the doubt as the Devas seemed just as calm as before in his presence and because Gundham did want to converse with him, he replied to him. “I must firstly inform you that these powerful warriors are not merely 'hamsters' as you call them, they are-”

“Yeah I know, they are your Dark Devas of Destruction.” Kazuichi cut him off in amusement and with a teasing undertone in his voice, “But that doesn't answer my question. So how do ya do it?”

“Fine, I will answer your enquiry as you are interested in learning this dark power, mortal!” Gundham gave a laugh before lifting his cursed hand on which his Devas were currently residing, all of them looking at the pink haired mortal before him. “It is all about approaching these demonic beings correctly and gaining their loyalty through building an unbreakable bond founded on mutual trust. If you do not trust them to not harm you, then they will not trust you in return and as such there will be no loyalty from them.”

The mortal nodded in what seemed to be understanding. “Right. And how do ya do that? Especially the approaching part, because it's hard to trust them if they always try to eat me.”

As Gundham wished that his ally would be lifted from his curse of always raising the wrath of the demonic beings occupying the mortal realm, he grabbed into his coat pocket and took out some of the feed for his Devas. He then held his hand out to the other, “Open your hands, Tamer of Automations and I will show you.”

The other did as he was told and and Gundham placed the feed into his hands, before taking them and carefully guiding them towards the four Devas on his other hand. “Offer them the food and do try to not move your mortal form too much.”

Kazuichi's eyes widened slightly when the other took his hand and moved it towards the Devas whose noses were twitching at the scent of their meal. Yet he did as he was instructed to do and held still as the four Devas moved up towards his outstretched hands and began sniffing at it. When they then took the offered meal from it and returned to their owner to nibble on them, Kazuichi's eyes seemed to sparkle with excitement at succeeding with feeding them, which made Gundham's cheeks heat up slightly.

 

However not all of the Devas had decided to accept the offered meal just yet. While the three male ones were enjoying their meal, Supernova Silver Fox San-D was still occupied with sniffing Kazuichi's fingers as if she was trying to determine something. Gundham was just about to question her odd behaviour again, when she suddenly sunk her sharp teeth into Kazuichi's finger and drew blood, making the mortal yelp in pain.

Usually Gundham would immediately check upon the other's well-being, however he was distracted by a sudden sharp pain within his finger.

He stopped.

A sharp pain in his finger?

Kazuichi quickly drew his bleeding finger between his lips and was whining why she had suddenly bitten him. However Gundham could hardly process the words being said, as realisation had hit him full on. Could his assumption be correct? He had to find out.

Moving his Devas back into his clothing so that they would be out of the way for the moment, Gundham then gave the other a stern look, “I am sorry, Sharp Toothed One.” and before Kazuichi could reply, he pinched himself in his own arm as hard as he could, making himself flinch from the sharp pain.

However Kazuichi again gave a yelp and held his arm at the same spot were Gundham had pinched himself. “Ouch, what the fu-” Kazuichi fell silent in the middle of talking and his eyes widened as realisation also hit him. “Did ya just...?”

“Yes I did.” Gundham nodded, “And it seems as if you are my destined one.”

At hearing that they were indeed soulmates, Kazuichi fell silent and it seemed almost as dread filled his eyes, which concerned Gundham greatly. Was he this troubled from being Gundham's destined one? Would he reject sharing his path with him after all that had happened in their lives?

“I-I'm so sorry...” Kazuichi suddenly stammered and Gundham was not sure if he heard correctly. He was apologizing? For what?

“What?”

“I'm sorry.” Kazuichi repeated with a wavering voice like he was fearful about it all, “I'm so sorry that you had to feel all of... that... in the past...”

Now it was Gundham's turn to widen his eyes with shock. His destined one was giving himself the fault for all the pain they had to suffer through? What twisted reality was this in which he had lost himself?

“I'm sorry. It's all my fault..” Kazuichi kept on apologizing and slowly backed off to put distance between them, “Because your my soulmate you had to feel all these beating all the times.” He was so fearful, yet not in a way that Gundham had ever experienced the other to be. This was not the usual fright Kazuichi experienced after seeing a horror movie or being surprised as a prank from the more malicious mortals of this realm. He was truly terrified and it was all because he blamed himself for his past abuse. He was terrified of how Gundham, who had been subjected to all of this as well, would react to him now.

Before Kazuichi could run away and end the topic altogether, Gundham stretched out his arms and quickly pulled the other against his body. “I do not resent you for the pains we have shared, as you are not at fault for them. So there is no need to apologize for them.” He could feel Kazuichi slightly relaxing in his arms and not seemed to wish to run any more. Gundham looked at him, “However I have to apologize for not finding you sooner and helping you escape whatever hell you have been trapped inside of all these years.”

“Why are ya apologizing for that? What would you have done? You're only a few more months older than me and not as threatening like ya believe to be.” Kazuichi joked with a still strained voice, however he then lifted his arms and put them around Gundham's body. “But thank ya, Hamster-chan.”

 

The pair stayed within their shared embrace for a few more moments until both of them were able to fully calm themselves again. They slowly let go of each other and looked at the other bashfully.

Gundham was the first to continue their conversation. “Do you wish to accompany me into my realm, so that we might discuss our shared fates?” he gestured towards his door, to which Kazuichi nodded.

“Yeah.”

With this they moved into the private realm to talk about everything that had happened in their past lives, and they began to share their paths from that moment on as they were always destined to be, now finally away from their past agony.

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes I wonder if I'm making the Devas too intelligent for hamsters, but then I remember that it's more fun this way and so screw it. Let them be all-knowing!


End file.
